We Don’t Appreciate Your Business

This post has nothing to do with the on-field employees of the Detroit Tigers, rather it’s a short tale about the sales office staff.

So I call the ticket office this morning, specifically Group Sales, to ask about private-suite rentals for my 40th birthday party. (The Tigers will be in Tampa on my actual birthday so I’m looking for other availability in June and July.)

Here’s how my conversation went after I pressed 2 to reach Group Sales:

Lethargic Ticket Guy: Detroit Tigers…

Me: Hi, I was trying to reach the group sales department.

LTG: I can help you with that.

Me: I understand that season ticket sales went through the roof so I’m not sure what my odds are, but I wanted to see about renting a suite for a game in June or July.

LTG: Yeah, availability is tight but group sales don’t go on sale until tomorrow (Feb. 20).

Me: Oh, so you can see, though, what dates might be available…?

LTG: Yeah, but it’s tight.

Me: Okay. Well then, how about the July 10th game against the Twins?

LTG: Group sales don’t go on sale until tomorrow.

[crickets chirp]

Me: So I should call back tomorrow.

LTG: Yeah.

Me: …thanks?

I wanted to say, “But you said ‘it’s tight’, which means you must be able to see the availability to gauge said tightness. Right?” But I knew that would just get me more dead air. So I’ll call back in the morning and hope not to get Carlton Your Doorman again.

(As my brother said about this exchange, it was not a scene out of “Seinfeld” but one out of “Curb Your Enthusiasm.”)

I have to admit, though, in all my years of attending Tigers games in Detroit and calling the ticket office with an occasional question, one message has been conveyed loud and clear by the Detroit Tigers: We don’t appreciate your business.